Why I decided to self publish

Back in the day before the massive overload of technology, writers relied on big name publishers to back their books and promote them as authors. Most people didn’t stand a chance to be chosen out of the hundreds of submissions, but thanks to the internet that has all changed.

There are still some serious skeptics of writers who self publish. Some people think that the writing must not be as good, because their stories are not backed by someone else.

Readers and writers of all ages have come to find this underground movement of supporters that love to read real, raw and down to earth writing. They support the unknown, because they can relate to them, and appreciate what they are trying to do.

SoulI also look at self publishing just like blogger, but as a much bigger project. Blogging is put together piece by piece and over time it grows. We all start without any posts or any followers. It’s up to us to make the rest happen.

Self publishing takes a bit more time to put it all together, but it just requires the same level of dedication that bloggers put into their work. The way I look at it, I have been writing for years and connecting with my readers through blogging.

My fans have followed me through thick and thin, through breaks and overloads of posts. They support my writing, because they have connected with me, not because of some big publishing label.

In my eyes, self publishing doesn’t make me any less of a writer. It just means that I am willing to go out there and create the life that I want without the approval of others.

I am

My favorite poems to write are “I am” poems. What is an “I am” poem? I think of words that describe me in a positive way and arrange them to make a poem. When I think about words to use I try to stay away from words that describe what I do. Yes I am a writer, but what qualities make me a writer? These poems always work as a good pick-me-up and even nice gifts to make for someone else.

When I read this poem back to myself, I take a moment to pause at the end of each word. I think about what each word really means to me, and I internalize its meaning. I really encourage you to write your own, you’ll love it.

I am ­– Worthy

I am – ­Loving

I am – Creative

I am – Electric

I am – Beautiful

I am – Tolerant

I am – Dedicated

I am – Strong

I am – Optimistic

I am – Trusting

I am – Educated

I am – Persistent

I am – Unique

I am – True

I am – Passionate

Slowly step away from the scale

I can remember first worrying about my weight in middle school. I had an amazing talent for finishing my tray of food and then some. My friends would dare me to keep eating, challenging the limits of my stomach.

At first it was funny. It got me attention, but not really the kind I wanted. But I wanted what anyone wanted at that age, to fit in.

In 8th grade I tried out for the track team, and found my love for running. I never really considered myself athletic, not in the typical sense that is. I rode horses, climbed trees and was just really active. I sucked at team sports, and basically froze when ever the ball came remotely close to me.

funny-scales2When I hit high school I started eating more junk, and realized that all that junk equaled extra weight if not taken care of. I would run incessantly, and do sit ups into the early hour. I was constantly thinking about the delicate balance of food and weight gain.  Not once did it cross my mind that this circle of food, exercise and healthy living should come more naturally.

Sometimes I browse the internet and read stories about woman who forgo wearing makeup or washing their hair. I think they are crazy, because happy girls have washed hair and wear mascara, but hey maybe they were just searching for something like we all are.

Over the holidays I put on a few pounds, and at first I was happy with my new look. We are taught that pretty girls have natural curves, so it would only make sense to embrace them. The good vibes kept coming and I kept blissfully eating what ever I wanted. I was really enjoying life. One day for the fun of it, or maybe the torture, I stepped on the scale.

Devastation immediately kicked in. How could this have happened?!

I was in denial, shock, whatever you want to call it. Holy shit had I gotten fat. It took me days to forget about the number that I had seen below my feet. After all it was just a number, it shouldn’t control me.

Now I know weight gain sounds like a bad thing, but for the first time in my life I actually had an ass, and this was a good thing. I could live without fat in the other place, but a part of my was really loving my new look. Weird right?

It has been a while since I have been on the scale and I am considering getting ride of it completely. I bought myself some new pants to show off my “ass”ests and I have started running again for the season. I feel good, despite what the scale tried telling me.

I may never go without makeup or washing my hair, but I certainly think I can do without that nasty scale. Life really seems a whole lot better when I gauge my beauty by how I feel and not by some numbers.

Who’s with me?

Taking a break from writing was counter-productive

I am a terrible person, because I never take my own advice. I said to write everyday or do your best to, so what I do I do? The obvious opposite, I take a break from writing.

I cannot fully take a break, because there is homework and reporting, but I took a break from blogging and my free writing. BIG, BIG mistake.

creativityTaking a break did not refresh me or make my creative mind stronger. It felt like I was going deeper and deeper into a tunnel until there was not light. It was horrible and now I feel behind. It’s like I wasted all that time I could have been writing….ugh.

Writing often does make you stronger, trust me on this one. Writing is like any other craft, you have to work at it to get better.

One of my fellow writer friends just published his books online, and it was the kick in the pants I needed to remind myself of my ultimate goal.

I told myself that I would be self published by this summer, but at this rate (being lazy) I am going nowhere and fast. Seriously March is almost over, how did that happen?!

I dug out some of my files this week and put them back on the desktop. Time to get cooking, or writing. Which ever way you look at it.

Happy writing everyone, and remember you don’t want to lose your momentum.

“Sewing Buttons to mend Broken Hearts”

If I painted my heart yellow

would it show you how much

I really love you?

A canvas of black,

salted and worn.

Seas churning,

knocking down the door.

To survive we must breath,

but beneath the waves

we swallow, fearing our fate.

My mind sees color

beyond black and white.

A radiant blend of anxiety

and compassion.

An inner struggle

rarely spoken of.

To see what is not there

in the faces around you.

To see what they don’t

is devastation.

-K. Lukasak